JIA EN

2012-01-13T19:57:00.001-08:00

I realized that it's a lie to say you have let go of the past. Nobody lets go of memories. Each tear is an unforgettable memory. Each smile is an undeniable mark. Each heartbreak is an unerasable scar. Because really, there's no such thing as letting go... Only moving on.

Looking back on 2011, and ahead to 2012

2011-12-31T12:37:00.000-08:00

2011 has been an eventful year for me, been through ups and downs, that I've never experienced in my 22 years of life. A year that I'll never forget in this lifetime.. I am thankful for everything that happened. Still holding on to the belief that everything happens for a reason.

A couple of things worth mentioning:-

First thing first, I got my driving licence! After multiple attempts! Zzzz. Like finally! :D
I've traveled out of Singapore, to somewhere further away from Malaysia! My first overseas trip to Hong Kong with him, which really brought back a alot of memories.
I've finally cleared my modules! Meaning I've got my degree. Yayness! Was so afraid that I couldn't pass :( But it turns out perfectly fine! :)
Been through the first ever break up in my life. Something which I least expected, yet I can foresee it coming. Contradicting.
Partying.
Got my very first full time job with the bank. A job which differs a lot from all previous jobs. Glad to be given a chance to learn on the job.
Getting to know someone who cares more than a friend, yet not there yet. A special friend indeed.

That more or less concluded my 2011. Looking ahead to 2012, my resolution is to live a better and more fulfilling life. Not much specific, but still in the midst of coming out with proper resolution. But guess that's about it.

Thanks to all those who are in my life, be it hi-bye friends, true friends and family, without you, my 2011 wouldn't be as eventful as it is. Best wishes for everyone :)

2011-12-24T20:27:00.001-08:00

Be thankful for every heartbreak, for they were planned. They come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. Their purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life. And you do.

2011-12-17T16:41:00.001-08:00

I don't know what have gotten over me again.

Four months ago seems just like yesterday. Passing by roads we used to cross, smelling the familiar scent of your cologne, listening the songs we used to share, it still reminds me of pain that I buried deep down in my heart.

I have to keep moving on. I need to be stronger. I want to be truly happy. I no longer want to cry for this reason over and over again.

2011-12-12T05:41:00.001-08:00
It'd been almost 4 months. Time is flying, and yet, I'm still standing where I am, unable to move forward. I've no idea what's holding me back..

A part of me, can't wait for a new start, and a part of me, still yearn for you.

The way it ended, remained a question mark to me. Right now, it feels like a regret to me. Though sometimes, it's better not knowing. But it's this 'not knowing', that is holding me back. I'm so tired struggling with the emotions within me.

Oh god. I wish for an answer.

Take life with a pinch of salt.

2011-10-27T01:20:00.000-07:00

It'd really been quite some time since I've blog!

Things have been good.. I mean, I started moving on, entering to a new phase of life - being an working adult! To be honest, initially I felt quite afraid, of starting everything new and need to make friends all over again. But right now, I kinda looking forward to challenges that are awaiting me. Cos I know only by overcoming my own barriers, I can become a stronger and better person. :)

Right now, I don't wish to talk about relationship at all. It feels really tiring and I am mentally drained. I am happy with how things are going right now, widening my social circle, and I hope it can just stop there. I don't really know how to handle when it comes to stuff like that, when I can sense infatuation, and yet I don't feel a single thing. I don't want to be more than friends. Hang out is perfectly fine, but not dating. Damnnnn. I am bad at this.

There'd still be times, when I started looking back, blaming how things have been falling apart, finding all sort of reasons to justify the breakup.. At the end of the day, I get nothing out of it, only - feeling heartbroken, never wanted to be in a relationship anymore, guys are so scary, and negative stuffs like that. But I don't allow myself to feel the sadness that came. So all these while, I am struggling between feeling sad, and not feeling sad. It really took me some time and tremendous courage to really face the fact.

I like this quote alot, "Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgement." Only through this, I can truly know what I want, what are mistakes I shouldn't have made and things I can learn from it. Well, I am good, but not perfectly good yet. Still taking it slow and recovering. Cos I know, gohonzon will have the best arrangement for me. I will not settle for anything lesser than what I deserve.

I still wish the best for you, too. :)

Tonight.

2011-10-04T09:45:00.001-07:00

I haven't been blogging recently. Perhaps I'm too afraid to face myself. All of a sudden, I felt scared. My heart is hurting, again. I thought I numbed the pain.

I hate nights like this, when I can't get to sleep. Or should I say, my heart is feeling heavy that I couldn't rest. I felt suffocated. Have been partying quite often recently. I enjoyed company, I enjoyed the atmosphere. At least I am not alone.

Looking at myself, I feel like a joke. Seriously. I have no idea wtf am I doing. The more I drink, the more sober I am. I really feel very tired. I don't know how long more can I hold.. Helpless.. Hurt.. Sadness.. What more can I feel? I wish you were here. I know it's just my wishful thinking. Cos you already gave up on me a long time ago...

2011-09-12T16:43:00.000-07:00

sigh. sometimes I feel that my mind, or heart, is in a state of confusion.

I always thought that I am strong and won't be affected by it.. why is it so hard to let go? our memories is holding me back.. bits and pieces of it.. I miss taking care of you when you aren't feeling too well..

still questioning myself about why did this happen. still missing you when I know I shouldn't.

what should I do? can you tell me? sick and tired of my life.

2011-09-01T23:27:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I thought of you again.. Are you in lala land? How're you these days? Did you miss me too? Do you still have flu?

I think I shouldn't even have these thoughts. 'cos I guess you don't have the time to let me cross your mind? Today on my way to work, I nearly got knocked down by a motorist. I got so freaked out that I stand still for few seconds become I can move.. And you were the one that cross my mind.

A friend told me to not force myself to move on when I'm not ready to, let my feelings out and feel what you're supposed to feel. I am in a state of confusion now. I don't know what to feel anymore. I don't even know how to think. Blank-ed. I wanted to cry, but it feel stucked. 'cos I have no idea what I did to myself, to force myself not to be depressed. My heart just felt heavy, more heavy than ever.

No one can tell me what to do. Am I gonna continue to be like this? Don't know how long more can I hold.

Are you really a happier person without me?

:'(

2011-09-01T23:07:00.000-07:00

我喜欢你，却不会在一起。
你知道么，我喜欢你笑的样子。
你知道么，我常常很想你。
你知道么，我清楚你的习惯。
你知道么，我记得你跟我说的话。
你知道么，我明白你的一个眼神一句言外之意。
你知道么，我喜欢你认真的表情。
你知道么，在我心里你很棒。
你知道么，我每天上线第一个找的就是你。
你知道么，我保存了好多，关于你。
你知道么，我把你看得很重要。
你知道么，你说过的歌曲我都下载。
你知道么，那首歌，成了我的单曲循环。
你知道么，你讲的笑话我都背牢。
即使很忙，依然想陪你。
逛在街上，突然想起，这个你喜欢吃。
我总会突然想，打个电话，想听听，那熟悉的声音了。
其实我们都明白，你，在我心里很重要。

我们不是恋人、但我希望你知道我在等著你……

6th day.

2011-08-30T20:53:00.000-07:00

Today is already the 6th day, I am missing you especially much today. I don't know what to do with this feeling.. It just won't go away..

The moment I woke up, I know I'm dead man, cos my heart is feeling like.. it'd been ripped apart. Once I step foot in jurong point, I got reminded of my survey days.. How you accompanied me through those days, while I do survey and we messaging one another. You were the pillar of my strength, that supported me through that period. I am missing you especially much. I wonder do you miss me too? Do you feel the pain I'm going through?

Right now, I yearn for your warm embrace, telling me that things are alright.. Will I get to see you again tonight?

爱一直存在歌词那天我扬起帆
想看看未知的海
心里很多话想说说不出来
虽然我脸上看不出来

天空一样蔚蓝却换了多少云彩
那时的你让我幸福百分百
是否为我等待

我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你泪停不下来
你知道我依赖多不想say googbye
我痛说不出来

我知道我的爱一直都会存在
没有你快乐都停摆
某一天我期待和你笑的灿烂
回头看爱都在
站在你的门外我却幸福在徘徊
心里很多话想说说不出来
但我想你一定都明白

时间过的好快
想念却不曾更改
现在的你是否幸福百分百
我应该怎么猜

爱一直存在

2011-08-30T11:19:00.000-07:00

If you could here me, I would say that our finger prints don't fade from the lives we've touched..

2011-08-30T00:05:00.000-07:00

Got reminded of our poly days. So I couldn't help but to switch on my laptop to browse back on the past entries. Reading them one by one, listening to each songs, my heart felt so heavy.

I saw my 19th birthday post, we went to the zoo. My 20th birthday, it was during his enlistment. and my 21st birthday, we went to sentosa. My 22nd birthday is coming.. it'd be a year of birthday without him. I am so afraid.. I don't wish it to come..

I am extremely afraid of the night now. No matter how I convinced myself I can do it, how strong I am, it feels like all these doesn't work on me at night. 我仿佛被寂寞给吞食了.. Every song I am listening to.. all the lyrics seems to speak the words I fail to say.

I really wish that my heart and my mind can stop torturing me like this.. I really don't know how much longer can my heart hold.... I don't even know what is happening around me. I can't control my heart, it feels terrible.

2011-08-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

I seriously hate this me, right now. I couldn't help but to really let myself out.

I tried to be strong, and yes, I deleted all the photos away, put away everything, but why do I still feel this way?

There's a time for everything, there's a time to grief, sometimes feel angry, denial, acceptance. But I don't want to let myself be sad, I don't want to let you see that how weak I am without you, I don't want to appear to be clingy, I don't want to let you see how sad I am. And most importantly, I don't want to become your stumbling block. I know if I let myself grief over this, I don't know what I will do, I can't control my thoughts and feelings. Suppressing all my emotions isn't easy. I felt suffocated. I love to talk about how I feel, but right now, it seems like I can't share with anyone.

Appearing strong in front of people, smiling when I really don't feel like, I hate it. But what can I do? I told myself, I'm just gonna give you three days to be sad, after which, no more. You can't cry, you can't talk about how sad you are, even if it hurt like crazy. And yes, today is the fourth day. Yesterday, I didn't cry. Today, only tears brimming in my eyes, but I refuse to let it fall. Am I really okay? I can feel my suppressed emotions, it's making me feel terrible.

Please, let me be strong.

Year 2010

2010-12-30T14:11:00.000-08:00

Woah, it'd been a really long time since I've last blogged. Actually I guess nowadays, hardly anyone will blog about their life or anything since everyone is so busy. Or even visit blogs?

Needed some personal space to myself, so here I am, with my best est friend, who can here me out! :) Year 2010 is coming to an end.

Hmm, my 2010 wasn't that happening. Except for the fact that I am finally 21, and joining an industry that I'd never thought I'd ever join. It was an experience for me, as well as a platform for me to learn how to talk to people and be more friendly. Am not sure if I made the right choice, but I believe that if I never try, I'd never know. And I really dedicated a lot of my time to it. We shall see how it goes! Thanks to those who gave me support and encouragement! :)

I could say that I made quite a number of new friends this year, be it my colleagues, prospects, clients or ... Oh, no school mates? I just realised =/ Well, doesn't matter. Hmm. Friends really do come and go. Sometimes it's only through certain events that happened, reveal how a person's character really is. Friend that I thought I can click best with, doesn't turn out to be what I thought initially. Even mommy said so. I should learnt what things can be said, and what things not. And I am glad that it isn't too late to cherish those friends whom I should have done so long time ago! Thanks for standing by me through all these time! :)

For family, so far so good. Just hoping that my brother will be able to focus more on his studies and be obedient. Dad and mom to have good health and be happy! As for my dearest bebe, just wish that his work can be smooth and him staying healthy and happy :)

Haven't thought about my new year resolution, maybe shall give some thought to it before year 2011 arrive!

I wish.

2010-11-16T22:22:00.000-08:00

No more a crybaby.

2010-10-15T22:56:00.000-07:00

Today, somehow I felt that I need some time alone. I don't wish to face anyone. Not at all.

Is my worst day at work. Not that I met something bad, but is worse than that. Just this week, I set my very first target at work. And this target doesn't involve only me. I can feel that this is something I've to take it really seriously. And I did. Perhaps is that I take it way too serious, that's why I'm feeling this way now.

I put in the best effort I can to close a deal. I spent more than 2 hours. I even missed my dinner. Dinner.... I really did try to explain everything to the best of my knowledge, and even with the help of my colleagues, I couldn't. So I'm sitting down right now thinking what's lacking. I took everything so serious that I'm really mentally drained. Trying my best to hold back my tears. No more a cry baby. Tonight I don't have my bb with me. The more I'm missing him. The thought of him made me cry. Miss him so much. Throughout our years together, he'd been my greatest emotional support beside my mom. I feel so weak without him. I want you to be proud of me.

I feel as if I'm following blindly. I don't know if this is the right path for me. Maybe I should take things in one's stride. I hadn't learn the art of it yet. I can't see far now. So I'm gonna take a step at a time. I don't wish to give up.

Please let me be alone. Just for today.

$$$

2010-09-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

How to cut down on my expenses:-

1. No more spending too much on food

2. No more online shopping / shopping

3. No more movies

4. No more spending on unnecessary things

And one very last thing, which I really don't wish to say... which is on my list for a very long time... I bet you know what's it. Yes, that's it. I'm still considering.

Oh man, I love to eat. I really loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it man. Shit. Endure! Goodbye buffets! Online shopping is easier to cut down. Cos all I've to do is, delete away my shopping bookmarks! Unnecessary things, like... I don't know. Probably accessories and colourful pens. School is starting and I should jolly well refrain myself from stepping into popular... Haha.

Sigh. I wish I can be like other girls. I want to be pampered too...

Hectic month

2010-09-19T23:27:00.000-07:00

I miss my bloggggggg. Been busy with work and studies over the past few weeks. I realized that nowadays lesser people are blogging. It used to be an "in" thing to blog. But well, I think blogging is a nice way to 'pen' down your feelings and thoughts at this very moment.

Final year is starting soon, after which, I'm officially a fresh-graduate. It seems only like yesterday I put on my uniform and getting ready for school! Okay, I love to look back.

Now, I'm some sort of entering into the insurance line. Life is full of uncertainty. I never thought I would be one. Gonna work hard, cos I need money. I want to be independent.

I wish I can be stronger. But sometimes, I want to be taken care of too.

Well, I need a break.

❤

2010-08-20T17:54:00.000-07:00

And let me tell you what I am most afraid of.

1. Losing my mom/bro/dad and my dearest boyf.

2. Of course my wonderful friends too.

I really cherish you! Just that now I'm really busy. But I didn't forget you guys!

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Love you, mom.

2010-08-20T17:51:00.000-07:00

Hmm, suddenly have got a sudden urge to blog.

Short post before I knock off from work! ;)

I think I should start to show appreciation to my mom. She is really great. Though sometimes she do nag alot. Opps. But yeah, which mom doesn't.

It started this morning, when I woke up, preparing for work at around 7 plus. She was sitting in the living room. I thought how come she woke up so early cause meimei doesn't need to go to school. And when I'm about to be ready, she asked me to come out and have fish porridge.

I suddenly felt so guilty. Yeah, cause I'm always complaining. That's me. And she was actually waiting for me to wake up so she can cook and let me have it piping hot!

How nice. So heartwarming. And so, I decided. I shall bring my dear mom out this weekend. Shall bring her to have a nice lunch! Though I'm not earning much, I am never stingy with my family kay!

I really love her alot. I really do!

Love you, best mom in the world (at least to me)! :))))))))))))

Does honesty help a relationship or it hurts a relationship?

2010-07-24T22:15:00.000-07:00

This question does bother me a little. I was being told that in a relationship, any relationship, complete honesty is always needed. In fact, honesty should be part of the relationships foundation. The principle behind it is that basically, no one likes being lied to, and if a relationship is to flourish, it should not be peppered with lies.

Lying with words is simple enough to pull off but easy enough to detect. No matter how smooth and suave the lie has been delivered, we all have an innate sense of knowing that we were lied to. Just feeling that we have been deceived already hurts, regardless of whether it was done deliberately or not. Yes indeed. Is this what they call sixth sense?

If we are not totally honest and open with our beloved, that means we are not sure about our relationship. That means that we do not have confidence in each other. That means that the relationship is fragile. Why worry about a relationship, which is fragile. Such a relationship will break for some or other reason.

A strong relationship can take any storm. In a strong relationship, we are ready for some disagreement but know that ultimately things will be same as before. In a strong relationship we are totally open with each other. We tell everything to our partner and are sure that no break-up will occur. Such relationship gives joy.

If you hide something from your partner you will always suffer from the guilt and worry about what if he/she gets to know about that. That is not a happy relationship. Such relationships cause stress, rather than giving any pleasure. To get pleasure, have confidence, tell your partner everything about your past, and expect that they will not only understand but also comfort you about that. That is the sign of a open and strong relationship. There is another way out. Draw boundaries and agree about them with each other. I may do something in this area but you have no right to know about that. If such an agreement is drawn and agreed upon by the partners many problems get solved. But this kind of relationship is not close. Have your choice about what you want to do.

Having honesty in all your relationships will make your life easier. When you tell lies, even little bitty white lies, it can be hard to keep up with all the lies. It may be hard for you to remember who you told something to or did not tell something too. Keeping up with all the lies can take a lot of your time when trying to remember what you said and when. Being honest in your relationships will help you open up and not worry about the lies that you need to remember.

When a relationship is not honest it is hard for it to progress and become a great relationship. There is always some paranoia on the dishonest person's side of the relationship. Honesty in relationships can help you be a better person and create a really good relationship.

Honesty in relationships will help all your relationships progress and become better. When you are honest in relationships you will also be improving yourself. The more compassionately honest you are the more trust that will be built on both sides of the relationship. Trust in a relationship comes from being honest and compassionate not overlooking faults but being tolerant. Both sides of the relationship can learn and grow together through many years of problems. The more you lie then the less honest your relationship will be. The relationship can deteriorate because there is no trust. You may not become a better person because you have someone lying to you and not being honest.

So what’s your conclusion?

:'(

2010-07-12T09:39:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling so terrible. Haven't got this feeling for quite some time, and it's now back. I feel like giving up. I lack faith in everything. What should I do?

What we want and what we are trying to escape are sometimes the very same thing. I'm starting to feel very tired.. Oh god... Can you take me away? Even if it's just for a lil while..

Updates!

2010-07-02T23:05:00.000-07:00

I've been really busy recently with work and everything else! Oh myyy. But it's good in a way that I do not have any other time to think too much about other things! :):)

Work is alright, taking it as a learning experience and knowing how to work under real working environment. Haha. Think you know what I meant ;)

Few things on my mind.. Work, study and also play! I haven't got the time to meet up with some other friends :(((((( I'm sorry if I said I want a meet-up and I didn't! Soon soon!

Gonna plan for a next gathering coming up! I'm super excited. But I'm trying not to get my hopes too high. In case... Anything might happen and *poof*! The plan is gone! Haha. I'm contradicting myself I know. Sigh!

And I really miss you when you're not around. Even after being together for quite some time, the feeling is still as strong as before ((:

AND SWENSEN'S ICE-CREAM! My craving is still strong! Though I said I wanna lose weight. HAHA. That's a lie actually. LOL! Whatever! :D

Alright then! I'm sleepy! GOOD NIGHT AND SWEETEST DREAM! ((:

Memories

2010-06-17T13:27:00.000-07:00

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”

Life

2010-06-10T15:03:00.000-07:00

It is incredible how beautiful people really are. The essence of the human body is just breathtaking. Though we may not realize it either in ourselves or in others, we each have something to bring to this world. Each of us.. We’ve already made such an impact on others just by existing. Whether it be holding a door open for someone or smiling at them as they walk by, it makes an impact. Each small moment in our life adds up to something so much greater. It’s beautiful; that’s the only way I can think to describe it.

I love helping everyone out to the best of my ability; to be the support system for absolutely anybody in order to make up for the one I was withheld from throughout my life. I want to tell people they’re good enough, and I want them to believe it. I want to say to each of you out there just how great of a person you really are; how you don’t give yourself enough credit for the things you do each day. Worthless isn’t a word in my vocabulary. It truly isn’t. I don’t believe anybody is worthless and I highly doubt that opinion will ever change.

I can’t help but believe that there is good in everybody; that people, if they open themselves up and become vulnerable, can change for the better. I’m working to make myself the best person I could possibly be truly so I can find a high enough platform to allow everyone to take notice of the beauty we each yield. It’s incredibly sad that so many of us overlook it. I include myself in this, of course, because I too find myself in very deep holes in which I think are impossible to get out of, but the reality of the situation is that I will overcome this. I’ll overcome anything life throws at me because I’m worth it. I really think I am. I’m not one to be confident, and I certainly am so far from it, but at least I know I’m a good person. I know that I have good values, good thoughts, and good feelings. I try my very hardest not to judge. I try to be understanding of someone’s past and how it has affected who they are today.

I just want to be the person to work with someone while they’re dealing with incredibly difficult events. I want to open someone’s eyes to new ideas, new feelings of self-worth, and a new life that they never thought was possible. I want everyone to know how amazing they are. That’s all I could ever ask for.

Emotions

2010-06-06T22:53:00.001-07:00

What's yours?

meeeeee

2010-06-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

Ichiban Sushi

2010-06-04T23:31:00.000-07:00

Finally got a chance to meet up with my sweetheart!

Warmest wishes for my one and only.

2010-06-02T20:35:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to you dearest(:

Though you're not here, but hopefully you can feel the sincere greetings from everyone!

May all your wishes come true and stay happy always.

You look good when you smile, I meant it.

❤

Happy 21st Birthday ❤

2010-05-26T17:43:00.000-07:00

Navy Open House

2010-05-22T22:02:00.000-07:00

Outing with sweetheart and darling!

2010-05-21T22:56:00.000-07:00

FREEDOM

2010-05-19T21:51:00.000-07:00

Finally my exams are oveeeeeeeeeeer!

But I feel a little empty though.

But one thing I'm glad is that I felt that my hard work pays off. Cos I'm really spitting out what I'd memorize. *grins*

Thanks devi for being there with me throughout. We've got the same mind, study alike! Love you darling ❤

Rhowena's 21st!

2010-05-15T23:43:00.000-07:00

RE

2010-05-11T20:42:00.000-07:00

Some random photos taken on the way to Recruit Express for interview. Didn't get those job in the end, but still, thanksssssssssssssssss my dearest friend for accompanying me there despite we're only few days before exams! Loves!

(:

2010-05-07T03:16:00.000-07:00

I'm down with just ONEEEEEEEEEEEE MOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE paper to go.

Kinda happy with it. But at the same time disappointed. Have been whining it for the past few days.. So I guess I shall just give it a skip. Shan't talk about it anymore..

Good bye!

In this world you tried,

Not leaving me alone behind.

There's no other way,

I pray to the gods let him stay.

The memories ease the pain inside,

And now I know why.

All of my memories keep you near.

In silent moments,

Imagining you here.

All of my memories keep you near,

In silent whispers, silent tears

Made me promise I'd try,

To find my way back in this life.

Hope there is a way,

To give me a sign you're okay.

Reminds me again it's worth it all,

So I can go home.

All of my memories keep you near.

In silent moments,

Imagining you here.

All of my memories keep you near.

In silent whispers, silent tears.

Together in all these memories,

I see your smile.

All of the memories I hold dear.

Darling you know I'll love you,

Til the end of time.

All of my memories keep you near

In silent moments,

Imagining you here.

All of my memories keep you near,

In silent whispers, silent tears.

All of my memories...

Outing with ❤

2010-04-18T23:10:00.000-07:00

❤

2010-04-03T22:55:00.001-07:00

I simply enjoyed myself when I'm with you (:

2010-04-03T22:55:00.000-07:00

:'(

2010-03-25T23:54:00.000-07:00

I think nothing can describe my mood right now.

I just feel as if as if I'm alone. Sometimes I hate myself for being so weak. I just feel like killing myself.

Perhaps things have been going on too smoothly recently. And I'm a little used to it already. So a little negative feeling is enough to hit me back to a square one. Maybe I shouldn't always imagine life to be always full of ups and no downs.

I began to discover my inner self as days pass by.. I'm not as good I thought I am. Am I worthy to be loved or to love someone?

Can you please tell me?

:'(

Recently

2010-03-20T19:03:00.000-07:00

*woots* Weather is super cold because it'd been raining for almost half of the day! I'm like wrapped under my blanket and drinking hot tea! Superb! ;)

~~PRELIMS~~ OVER! But actual exams are coming in EARLY MAY. We've got 45 more days to exams! I'm not kidding man. About 12 days to study each module?

I have a list of things which I wanna do after exams! Picnic, driving, meet-ups, WORKING, baking, kbox and the list go on and on . . . . Oh man! Seriously can't wait for exams to be over. Faster faster!

Spent the whole of yesterday and today enjoying myself. Watching movie, online shows , random videos, listening to my new songs, playing games, changing blog layout and blogging! Damn shiok I tell you. I'm into watching shows recently. Gotta resist my temptations! I can resist anything BUT temptations! Isn't it practically not able to resist everything? Hmm. Whatever!

my new friend (:

2010-03-10T23:20:00.000-08:00

:(

2010-03-07T11:38:00.000-08:00

Oh my god. I think this issue of money is really very sensitive. I hate it man. Sometimes I've no idea why are you like this. I was studying halfway and I overheard. Sigh. Really dampen my mood for the day. It makes me feel scared.....

Time for a change?

2010-02-23T21:16:00.000-08:00

Is your life hard? Hmm. Is money very important?

Not exactly sure of what's the definition of that actually. Perhaps different people have got different point of view.

Maybe it's time to be more materialistic and realistic. And, actually being too independent isn't a good thing after all.....

Angela & I

2010-02-23T16:03:00.000-08:00

2010-02-14T22:53:00.000-08:00

Happy chinese new year and happy valentine's day everyone. May everyone stay happy and healthy all year round. (:

Hmm, but I don't know why I don't feel happy at all today.. My heart felt so heavy. I just feel like crying to my heart content.

I wish I could just die.

SMU Symphonia 2010

2010-02-12T23:44:00.000-08:00

Updates

2010-02-07T00:55:00.000-08:00

OH MY! Prelims are coming. 2nd March is my first paper. I'm worried and scared and everything.

Well, I am gonna start my revision tomorrow. I mean LATER. Yes I will.

Rather than wishing for lots of money, I think I am gonna set my new goal - EARN MONEY once my exams are over. Isn't this more realistic then wishing for money to drop down from the sky?

Though you may say, money isn't everything. But reality states that without money you're nothing.

My mind is full of money money money right now. Yes I am not wealthy. That's why.

The feeling really sucks when you go out and you see something you wanted it so much, yet you couldn't get them. It sucks too when you see your friends all going to meet up, yet you couldn't go because you knew you've exceeded your budget.

I wished my friends could understand too. Yes, I am really quite busy with school. And another reason is also because I'm financially constrained, and not because I don't want to join. Sometimes it simply feels so sad when they couldn't understand.. I don't wish to lose contact with them too :'(

But still, I am gonna study hard too, if not, how can I find a job that pay me good salary.

CNY is coming, I hope I'll receive many many red packets! But I doubt so. Cos I won't have the time to go for visiting that often. Shucks man.

Valentine's day is falling on the first day of CNY too. Sigh.

take me away`

dinner ❤

2010-02-06T23:49:00.000-08:00

❤

2010-01-14T14:00:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday Mummy!

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Thank you for being such a kind and loving Mother. You're the best mother in the world! I love you!

xoxo

2010-01-14T12:59:00.000-08:00

The silence between conversation filled my heart with fear.

My late 2010 resolutions..

2010-01-13T19:21:00.000-08:00

Though it's late by 13 days... Still...

My late 2010 resolutions..

1. Spending more time with my family and friends

Until today, I realized I really neglected my family, my brother especially. I'd never asked him about his studies, I never asked if he'd any problems, I'd never accompany him to the movie when he asked me to, oh man.. Too much for me to list. And also my mom, I'd been talk back to her whenever I'm feeling bad mood. I'm so sorry mom. I promise I will try to be nicer okay? (: And my dad. I should be patient with him, and encourage him to cut down on cigarettes.

2. Improve my grades

That's for sure. A MUST.

3. Live to a budget

Time to manage my money! Cos I'd no idea how indiscriminately I spent my money. Oh I know, on F-O-O-D! Okay to improvise my number 3, Live to a budget, PLUS don't buy snacks in between lecture breaks :D

4. Improve myself

Hmm. Too me quite a while to come out with this. Cause I've got too much things to improve on! Okay, I must learn to reduce stress, be less grumpy, manage my time properly and be more independent. But still, most importantly, BE MYSELF!

5. Make 3 new friends

Widen up my circle of friends!

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” — Anaïs Nin

6. Not force myself to exercise

Do exercise because I love it, and not doing it out of obligation.

7. Volunteer to help others

Motivating people around me and see who might need help. Accumulate good fortune!

8. Smile and be more positive and outgoing

9. Learn to love myself more and have more confidence

10. Hug my ❤ ones more often! ;)

11. Don't say - "I scared I will disturb you."

Sometimes, you know, it's HARD TO CONTROL but to feel that way. Any solution?

12. Cut down on saying - "So sian", "Hais", "So bored" . .

Rubbish.

I shall end this post with something quoted from rho's blog.

Don't assume that your partner will be bother by your problems. In fact, if he loves you, they will be more than willing to face them all with you. And he definitely would wanna know what's going on with you, and help you (:

Be honest and open with each other. Don't keep things to yourself for you don't like your partner to keep things from you too, right? Esp issues (good/bad) regarding the relationship! Voice out and work towards a better and stable relationship! (:

Hmmm. That's all about resolutions. Let's see if I can do it (:

Shopping with ❤

2010-01-09T22:45:00.000-08:00

Shopping trip with my dearest! Lunch at Mos burger, and off we go shopping! He bought me a bag from C&K! So gladddddddd :D Then continued shopping! And we finally watched a movie! Last 2 weeks didn't get a chance to, cause it was simply too crowded. Hmmm, watched Sherlocks Holmes! Not bad, I understood okay! Lol. And I didn't fall asleep ;)

Off we went for dinner, and shopping again! Dearest got his bag too! Gladddddddd :D

For the whole day, we went from Raffles City to Marina, to Suntec, to Raffles City, and then finally to Bugis! My legs are superrrrrrrrrrrrrrr painful. I hope my blisters will heal as soon as possible. And not leave any ugly mark behind.

----------------------------------------

Got to buck up already. Pray hard for me.

All of a sudden, I'm feeling a little sad. How weird.

Alright, that's all for today. Good night!

Happy 2nd anniversary!

2010-01-08T00:40:00.000-08:00

Absence makes the heart grow fonder ❤ Love you!

You call it madness, but I call it love.

Sweet❤ (:

2010-01-06T23:56:00.000-08:00

111th entry

2010-01-02T22:59:00.000-08:00

This is my first post in year 2010! And it happened to be my 111th entry too.

I'm feeling very stressful right now. Final exams is just 4 1/2 months away. I'm sooooooooo scared!

No time to waste! Time is ticking away..

Nevermind, I have all the time in the world to enjoy after exams! JIAYOU! :D

Goodbye, or not

2009-12-30T03:07:00.000-08:00

Never been easy to say goodbye. And I haven't been particularly good at it. Goodbye conflicting emotions. I hate that.

I choose to believe, to trust. I know you meant well, so point taken! You know I still love you despite anything you've said (:

Came across this, thought this might be a little something to share.

"If you get strictly criticized, you should not complain nor sad, but should grateful to your critics, they make us see our own deficiency. Criticism based on caring, do you think about the stranger will criticize you? The criticism should be accepted modestly, correct mistakes if you have made any and guard against them if you have not.

In this life, you must suffer a lot of impolite criticism. Among them perhaps some really point out the deficiencies, showing your really condition. Others' just totally creates something out of nothing, to attack you personally. Sometimes, criticizes is a mask for compliment.

If you want to be outstanding and better, the best way is by accepting criticism. Because others' criticism will tell you, a kind of condition you are now, and what you shoud change. In fact, the growth of an outstanding person, is a process of accepting criticism and self-perfection from time to time."

Crap

2009-12-29T20:42:00.000-08:00

Oh man, I've got a short concentration span? Or is it because I've got no sense of urgency yet? I failed to sit at my table for more than 10minutes. And I got distracted. Away from the table, to the room where my laptop is, telling me this - oh c'mon, use me! why not?

Xmas eve with dearest ❤

2009-12-24T23:20:00.000-08:00

2009-12-24T11:22:00.000-08:00

I'd like to make myself believe.

Xmas with gfs!

2009-12-23T23:56:00.000-08:00

Met up with the girls! Been quite some times since we met up. Had our dinner at Ion Orchard, gift exchanges, catching up session, messing around! Not too bad, next meet up will be somewhere in Jan! :D

Pictures paint a thousand words! There it goes....

My love

2009-12-17T10:20:00.000-08:00

So I say a little prayer

And hope my dreams will take me there

Where the skies are blue, to see you once again... my love.

All the seas from coast to coast

To find the place I Love The Most

Where the fields are green, to see you once again... my love.

To hold you in my arms

To promise you my love

To tell you from the heart

You're all I'm thinking of

Reaching for the love that seems so far

Sick

2009-12-16T10:12:00.000-08:00

Oh man. I'm down with sore throat and flu. It made me feel moody, don't feel like talking at all. Thanks for understanding my dear friend (:

To admit, I really hadn't been studying as hard compared to those days in poly. I did my tutorials in a timely manner (most of the time though) and did a little revision when I'd time. Look at me now.. I'm kind of addicted to FB. Haha. Okay I think I shouldn't find excuses for myself. I'm just plain lazy, and unmotivated. I can't seems to focus on what i am supposed to do.

So... I'm trying my best to devote more of my time to studies, attending activities, and meeting up with my dear friends! :D

Time to study hard :D

Dinner at BK + Belated Birthday (:

2009-12-14T23:47:00.000-08:00

Met up with Andy, Chienwei, Kim, Suyu and Wengkin for dinner. Didn't expect a meet up actually, so I wear quite casual. So thanks to my dear friend - Angela! We exchanged our clothes! Love you man. :D

PS: Idayu! I'm not a meanie! I'm very nice to her actually =P

Anyway, Kim's got a surprise mini belated birthday cake for me. Thanks guys for the surprise plus the lovely birthday song! Much appreciated! Andy, you're great too. Didn't expect you to get water. LOL :D

Took some photos. I enjoyed myself though time spent is short..

Orchard with sweetheart! (:

2009-12-12T23:50:00.000-08:00

random

2009-12-11T00:37:00.000-08:00

I said I wanted to quit facebook games. I stop playing barn buddy. I finally did (: I still love facebook actually. Haha.

My mind doesn't seems to be functioning well. I realised I am a lot more hot-tempered nowadays. Or was it because of PMS? I'm not sure actually.

I don't really like myself now. I dislike the fact that I tend to think a lot. I'm being paranoid I know =/ Even if there isn't any issue, but I made them all out myself. I think I need to do some reflection. Are girls all like that? I don't think so. I hope I can really change this habit of mine, cause it is really pissing me off :(

I just hope tomorrow will be a better day, will it be?

Meet up with the cliqueeeee!

2009-12-10T23:59:00.000-08:00

POP

2009-12-09T23:48:00.000-08:00

Finally, after 3 months of hardwork. Congratulation, dearest (:

:(

2009-12-04T21:18:00.000-08:00

I know time wouldn't stop for me. It seems as if I've got many things waiting for me to be done. And yet I am sitting down here, rotting.

I can't wait for mom and brother to come back. The house seems to be so empty and cold. No one to greet me in the morning when I wake up. No one to have breakfast/lunch/dinner with me. No one to help me do my laundry. No one to chat with me when I'm bored. I can't imagine life without my mom. I think I could have died without her :(

School sucks. I feel like killing myself. Damnit man.

Happy 21st birthday honey :D

2009-12-02T23:59:00.000-08:00

Sentosa

2009-11-26T20:43:00.000-08:00

Haven't been so tired for a long while.

It was Philip Morris event at Sentosa! So we - Gillian, Janice, Angela, Huimei and I went to work for a day. For some amazing race, we've to station at each location and be game master. Haha. To be honest, I think it was fun working there. Some people there're friendly. Thanks Xiuling for introducing me this job offer! :D

Oh man, Gillian and Angela is super funny. I can say that I'd been laughing from the time I met them until the end of the day. *GRINS* The two of them can click so well man. HAHA! AI-SA, SA-SA, LI-SA and SA-LI. WTH! Nice working together! :D

Such a warm weather today, and poor me, having sunburn on my face, hands and legs. Painful. And my legs are aching. My hard-earned money indeed :(

Lunch became dinner instead =/ I was so hungry that I felt giddy and feeling headache at my station. Thanks Xl once again for asking Gary to let someone take over me! :D

All in all, I enjoyed my day, though it's tired, and having no lunch. But my dear friends made my day. Loves! (:

On a random note, I finally bought my Bretzel! Sad to say, I forget to get another big packet today :( I love the taste, salty!

There's no school tomorrow! And I'm going out! Oh yes! Been such a long time since we went out. I really wanted to go out. Yay ^_^

:(

2009-11-18T23:35:00.000-08:00

Feeling so tired. Been quite a long time since I've worked. Enjoyed working with my dear friends today (:

Gonna study hard tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to finish what I plan to do.

Feeling a little moody today. Nothing seems to help :(

PMS

2009-11-13T23:53:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling moody today. Feeling a lil down :'(

School life is okay, boring as usual. But well, manageable at the moment. I just hope this semester will end as soon as possible.

Gonna work on Wednesday. Hope everything is well. I wish I've got a money tree =/

On a random note, I've got a sudden craving for Waraku creamy seafood pasta. I'm feeling hungry now. Haha.

Tomorrow is weekends. Looking forward to see you...

Zzz

2009-11-03T13:49:00.000-08:00

Suddenly I felt so stressed man. Oh my god :(((((

I guessed I shall spend lesser time on FB. Now I'm only left with Barn buddy, RC and PS. Zzz. Too much time slacking already.

Off to school! Sleepy man.

:(

2009-10-31T22:31:00.001-07:00

You know? It feels a little sad actually =/

Sick

2009-10-30T21:26:00.000-07:00

Sore throat today. Feeling so awful. Damnit man. And pimples. Huge one somemore. Big sigh :(((((((

Pretty high yesterday and today. Had lots of laughter and fun during lesson with my dear friends! Trying very much to stay cheerful.

Messages sending failed =/

Been reading this book for the past few days. Quite a nice book actually. It's something about relationship, romance. Haha. And the character's name has got Andy. So you know why I borrowed it? Well. Love the one you're with (:

Freaky

2009-10-27T20:54:00.000-07:00

HEYO.

I'm super tired! I'm starting to get worried about exams =/ The thought of it kinda freaky. Though it's like next year. But then again, time is like flying. And I got to admit that I'd been lazing around during the day. Crap man.

There's make-up lecture for Corporate Finance this thursday night. You didn't hear me wrongly, yes at night. Oh my gosh. I'm just afraid I might doze off or something. And the way back home :(((

Countdown - 10 more days!

:(

2009-10-26T00:29:00.000-07:00

I'd been looking at my phone for countless time, unknowingly.

It's just another day.

2009-10-22T02:07:00.000-07:00

Goodness! I'm so tired :(((((( Practically slacking the whole day today. Eh I mean yesterday cos now is past 12 already. Haha.

Anyway, just felt that this whole week is very tight, with assignments and test. I'm glad I can do for the test (:

Just 2 more days and my dearest will be back! Oh, I realized something too. For the whole of this week, we spent longer time over the phone. It's great to be able to chat with you every night. I wished time can just stop at that point of time. Haha.

Time to get back to reality.

2009-10-20T00:29:00.000-07:00

Maybe ignorance is really, bliss. Knowing doesn't seem to be that good after all.

This set me thinking for quite awhile. I roughly got it. There isn't a need to. But it isn't a very nice feeling when I knew about it.

Hmmm. What will you do if you were me? This is something worth pondering about.

Camwhoring (:

2009-10-14T14:02:00.000-07:00

:(

2009-10-09T18:21:00.000-07:00

I'm so tired. You want to talk to me? :(

(:

2009-10-08T21:22:00.000-07:00

Happy 21st month dearest. LOVES! (:

Belated birthday dinner

2009-10-06T22:38:00.000-07:00

Dinner with rhowena, sumin and genieve. A treat from them as my belated birthday present! Thanks girls, nice catching up (:

My love! (:

2009-10-04T20:51:00.000-07:00

❤

2009-09-28T09:30:00.000-07:00

❤Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

My birthday

2009-09-27T20:58:00.000-07:00

My birthday

2009-09-27T12:40:00.000-07:00

Finally hit the big 2 already. Hmmm, not much feeling actually. Feel as is it's just another normal day. Not going anywhere either. So bored..

Something is missing...

Thanks my dear friends for all your wishes! :D And my darling for this drawing (:

BFF

2009-09-24T23:54:00.000-07:00

Thank you sweetheart for this early birthday dinner! It was great to catch up! Loves! :D

Random photos/Early birthday presents (:

2009-09-22T23:33:00.000-07:00

I did cross-stitched for the very first time! Really need lots of patience! Thanks darling for coaching me! :D

1st - 2nd Day

2nd - 3rd Day

TADA!

Early birthday present from my dearest before his enlistment... Lotsaloves❤

From Janice/Kianboon - She said it will make me look prettier? Haha.

Thanks Aishah for spending a bomb on this! I appreciate it! Loves! <3

Happy 15th Friendship Anniversary! 15 years of friendship and still counting!

From Angela - my bessssst/childhood friend since kindergarden1 (:

Thank you my dears! :D

Going to turn twenty in 4 more days! No longer 1_ anymore, now is 2_! :(((((

Cherished the time.

2009-09-20T19:44:00.000-07:00

Spent the weekend with my dearest. I can say I really enjoyed every single moment with you, even though it was just sitting by your side and watched you playing games (:

Time really flies. I hope in a blink of an eye, two years over! Your army is over, and my uni days over too. But that's not going to happen :(

All I can say is 加油! I've to buck up already. I haven't been talking much at home. Lying on my bed and stone, mom came in and chat with me. Over dinner she asked me why am I feeling so sian. Yeah indeed. I just shook my head and continued eating. Oh no, what's happening to me!

I need to constantly remind myself, not to think too much and I've got to 加油加油! Cos you are too right? So I need to 加油 too (;

Much missed. I'm counting down! Looking forward to see you soon. Love you loads :D

Reflection and thoughts.

2009-09-17T12:16:00.000-07:00

Recently I come to realise that, when it comes to matters of the heart, the only person that can help you is yourself. Even if you tell your closest friends, all they can do is lend you a listening ear.

I just couldn't understand something. Did I ever act as if the world revolve around me? Have I ever place myself as the most important person? I even demonstrate some kind of authority. Hell man. I am just feeling puzzled. Oh well. I just need someone to talk to. Crap :((

Words may be harsh and hurting, some you said might be true, but some I really don't agree. Whatever it is now, thank you for letting me know anyway. Good intention appreciated (:

But I really shouldn't think too much (:

His Enlistment (:

2009-09-14T22:16:00.000-07:00

All the best my dear. Love you *hugs*

Love you (:

2009-09-13T23:59:00.000-07:00

Before his enlistment..

lotsaloves:D

Dearest (:

2009-09-12T23:53:00.000-07:00

Haven't been blogging for quite a week. Been quite "busy". Haha.

Anyway, went out with dearest today! Watched a movie and went for dinner at Marina. Hmmm, got my early birthday present too! Love you! :D :D

One more day to your army already! Enjoyed and cherished the time spent with you, and I'll definitely miss you dearly! Remember to take lotsa care! LOVE YOU! *hugs*

Exercise

2009-09-04T19:20:00.000-07:00

I'm soooooooooooo tired! I went jogging with my father just now. Oh man. It'd been ... around 4 years since I exercised. Napfa in Poly doesn't count right. Now my hands and legs have got no feeling. Jelly-liked feeling. Haha.

I finally went to exercise because ... I was saying, "Hmmm, I think I should do some sit-ups, cos I think abit fat." And my mother goes on, "Not I want to say, is because you mentioned so I just say uh, I think you really put on some weight. See your legs....." *stares* Yeah yeah~

So off I go.............