I haven't been blogging recently. Perhaps I'm too afraid to face myself. All of a sudden, I felt scared. My heart is hurting, again. I thought I numbed the pain.

I hate nights like this, when I can't get to sleep. Or should I say, my heart is feeling heavy that I couldn't rest. I felt suffocated. Have been partying quite often recently. I enjoyed company, I enjoyed the atmosphere. At least I am not alone.

Looking at myself, I feel like a joke. Seriously. I have no idea wtf am I doing. The more I drink, the more sober I am. I really feel very tired. I don't know how long more can I hold.. Helpless.. Hurt.. Sadness.. What more can I feel? I wish you were here. I know it's just my wishful thinking. Cos you already gave up on me a long time ago...