Got reminded of our poly days. So I couldn't help but to switch on my laptop to browse back on the past entries. Reading them one by one, listening to each songs, my heart felt so heavy.

I saw my 19th birthday post, we went to the zoo. My 20th birthday, it was during his enlistment. and my 21st birthday, we went to sentosa. My 22nd birthday is coming.. it'd be a year of birthday without him. I am so afraid.. I don't wish it to come..

I am extremely afraid of the night now. No matter how I convinced myself I can do it, how strong I am, it feels like all these doesn't work on me at night. 我仿佛被寂寞给吞食了.. Every song I am listening to.. all the lyrics seems to speak the words I fail to say.

I really wish that my heart and my mind can stop torturing me like this.. I really don't know how much longer can my heart hold.... I don't even know what is happening around me. I can't control my heart, it feels terrible.